Clothed In Righteousness

Clothed In Righteousness

This week has been very challenging and rewarding. It is never easy when we are still before the Lord and ask Him to examine our heart. To search deep and do Holy Ghost surgery to remove the deep rooted icky spots. It requires intense prayer and being submerged in the Word. Often, it is upsetting to see what comes out and we think Jesus is surprised at the ugly revealed in our hearts. However, he is not surprised nor is he disgusted.

When I got up this morning and grabbed my Jesus Calling Devotional, my sweet Jesus reminded me that, "When He disciplines me, it is never in anger or disgust; it is to prepare me for face-to-Face fellowship with Him throughout all eternity. He died for my sins, so I could be clothed in His garments of salvation."

"I will rejoice greatly in the Lord My soul will exult in my God;

 For He has clothed me with garments of salvation. 

He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness, ...:"

Isaiah 61:10

What a great God we serve. Anger, disappointment, doubt and fear are transformed into forgiveness, love, contentment, security and trust; in the presence of our loving God.

Thanks for sharing this week with me. I pray that it has been as much of a blessing to some of you to read as it has been for me to share.

Broken Bread and Spilled Out Wine

Broken and spilled out - Just for the love of you, Jesus
My most precious treasure - Lavished on thee
Broken and spilled out - And poured at your feet
In sweet abandon - Let me be spilled out - And used up for Thee

(Lyrics by Bill and Gloria Gaither)

Over the past three months of my life, Jesus has allowed me to come to the end of myself. I have suffered great emotional, physical, and spiritual pain; due to my own unwillingness to heed the prompting to sit at His feet. I had become so busy as a Pastor's wife, mom, grandmother, daughter, friend, mentor, Sunday School Teacher, Women's Ministry Leader, and Executive Director of a shelter ministry for women and children in crisis; I barely had time for a 10 minute devotion every day. I thought none of the people I loved or the areas of my service could do without me. Well, God reminded me, quickly that they can.

You see, Jesus told His Disciples, in Luke 22:19-20, that His body would be broken and His blood poured out for them in the new covenant. Then, in 2 Corinthians 5:14(b)-15(a), Paul tells the church of Corinth that, "Christ died for all, therefore all died; and He died for all, that they who live should no longer live for themselves". Therefore, we are to be willing to be broken and poured out. Our lives are no longer our own. We are to be motivated by the love of Christ and His death to give of our time, our talents, our resources, to sacrifice, to be uncomfortable. However, it is today that I recognized the importance of being careful of the source that I am pouring out of. I must make sure it is Jesus and not me.

Unfortunately, we can become reliant on our own natural abilities and energy, that will allow us to continue in service for a while, but then they run out.  Christ is the Wellspring of Living Water that never runs dry, we are not. We must drink, each day, from His Living Water; through prayer and the Word. Not just a blanket prayer and a short morning or nightly devotion but deeply abiding in prayer and the Word. That means we may have to give up our favorite television show or time reading our favorite book (even Christian books do not take the place of the Word of God). It may mean we get up earlier or go to bed later. Whatever, it takes.


We must be willing to abandon our wants, our desires, our possessions our time in order to share the gospel and disciple others. In that sacrifice, we must include many hours to dwell in the Word and pray. This renews our mind and refreshes our Spirit. We tread in dangerous areas when we get empty and we are pouring out of ourselves. We will become drained.

I want to be broken and spilled out for Jesus, not broken and burned out. When I am "used up", I want it to be for the glory of the Lord; not that I was too stubborn to "give up" my desires and to sit at His feet. I thank the Lord for this time He has given me this week. He continues to renew and refresh me each hour of each day. It is not an easy journey. I am a stubborn child and at times, it takes a great deal of heat to burn away the "me" to allow more of "Him". If you are reading this, my prayer is that God would use my journey to minister to your heart. Maybe you are feeling weary in your body, mind, or service to the Lord. If so, check the source. Isaiah 40:28 reminds us, "The everlasting God ... faints not, nor is weary." Don't give up, just go to the Source.

Forgiveness

Yesterday was a beautiful day in Hilton Head, South Carolina. Blue skies, mild temperatures, a gentle breeze, and bright sunshine. I had the privilege to sit for two hours, in the sun, and read the Word. What a beautiful time of worship I had there, on the beach, just me and Jesus. 

When I returned to my room, I was drawn to a book I brought with me called, Returning to Holiness (A Personal and Churchwide Journey to Revival) by Dr. Gregory R. Frizzell. I brought it with me because the Lord had been prompting me to read it for the past four years. So, I picked it up and began to read the first section called, "Preparing for Your Journey". The first verse I read was Isaiah 59:1-2, "Behold the Lord's hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; neither His ear heavy that it cannot hear: But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid His face from you, that He will not hear." The next scripture was Psalm 66:18, "If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me." 

In my last post I mentioned the struggles I have had in the darkness of panic and anxiety. I have felt so alone, as if God could not here me. I had not felt like that since I had given my life to Christ over 12 years ago. It had become unbearable. When I read this scripture, the Holy Spirit began to speak to me very clearly. God is serious about sin in the lives of His children. Our prayers, praise and service are worthless, if we are harboring anger, bitterness, envy, jealousy, etc.; in our heart. We must seek forgiveness and walk in love and forgiveness.

As I kept reading, the next scripture I came to was I John 1:9, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." I was reminded of how loving Jesus is and that He went to Calvary so I could live a life of righteousness. However, as the book pointed out, in order to confess our sins, we must allow God to search our heart and show us our sin. OUCH! Psalm 139:23-24, "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Just then, I wanted to put the book down because I realized, the Holy Ghost was getting ready to cut, with the exactness of His Sword (the Word of God) right down to the deep poisonous places of my heart. The places where I had buried so much anger, that it had turned to bitterness. He was going to cut straight way to the place of jealousy and envy, caused by a strong hold of doubt and insecurity. In doing so, He would show me over the next six hours, how distant from Him I had become. He would reveal to me, the ugliness that I did not want to admit. Even that would not be the most painful part of the beginning of this journey. I began to realize, for the first time, the pain that my sin had caused others. God was calling me to not only allow Him to reveal the true condition of my heart, in order to confess to Him and be healed, but He wanted me to be reconciled to the ones I had harbored anger against (Matthew 5:23-24).

Now this long conversation with God, through His Word and prayer, had started at 3 p.m. and by around 8:30 p.m. God had laid a Sister in Christ on my heart and I had written down what he had shown me I needed to say to her. I contacted her through a social media message and asked her to call me. I can only imagine what must have crossed her mind, based on some of our previous encounters, as she decided to oblige my request. When she called, God gave me the ability and courage to read her the very honest things that He had given me to say. She was very gracious and received all that I had to tell her, with great mercy. She was very kind, compassionate and encouraging. What Satan had intended for evil, God will now use for good and His glory.

God has shown me that this road to restoration and healing will not end with this one phone call. There are others I have hurt and because everyone involved are Christians, the Lord wants me to seek reconciliation. It breaks the heart of Jesus when the Body is broken and in disunity. Forgiveness from God, to others and ourselves will lift up our Lord and draw others to Him. Everyone I reach out to may not be as receptive as the first, however, I must follow the Lord. If He is for me, then who can be against me.

As a Pastor's wife, I am willing to be transparent, in the hope that those watching and listening may be encouraged. Sometimes, we are made to believe that we must hide our struggles from others because it may damage the ministry. However, the dear sisters we serve, that look to us for discipleship, must know the realities of our faith walk with Jesus. They must know that we will encounter valleys, just as they do. However, it is enduring those times and giving God glory in the midst of it all, that will teach them how to endure, as well.

God bless.

 

Out of the Darkness

     When I began this blog a couple of years ago, I thought it would be so easy to write. I have always found writing to be freeing and I have loved putting pen to paper since I was a girl. I also have a passion to teach the Word of God to women through sharing my life experiences. However, I had know idea, where the Lord would have to take me before I could truly begin. I was headed to the refining fire, for the Lord to burn away all of me, so that I could have more of Him (I love that song).

"What I tell you in the darkness, speak in the light; and what you hear whispered in your ear, proclaim upon the housetops." Matthew 10:27

The past two and half months have been filled with panic attacks, constant anxiety and sleepless nights; that finally escalated over the past three weeks into my inability to eat solid food or even function at times. I knew that I had to take heed and listen to what God had been saying to me for four years, "Be still and know that I am God".  I had no choice but to follow Him with total abandon.  There were toxic memories in my brain from past hurts that combined with the pain I had experienced over the past four years, as a Pastor's wife, were a perfect recipe for the strongholds of hidden anger, bitterness and a critical spirit. I had to come away with the Lord. So, with the blessing and support of my husband, family and employer; I packed up my SUV and headed to Hilton Head, South Carolina for an entire week. Just me and Jesus, lots of paper and pens and several Bibles (one on the dining table, one on the living room table and one next to my bed), Jesus Calling, My Utmost for His Highest and my computer.

I have been here 31 hours and God is so faithful. In just over a day, He has assured me over and over in His Word and the writings of other Christians, that I am right where He wants me. This is about trusting Him with everything. It is about ABIDING in Him, in His Word and prayer. It is about having something to share with others that is from Him and the overflow of what He is doing in my life. It is about allowing Him to minister to me and replace the pain with love, forgiveness and the promises of His Word. Oswald Chambers, in my Utmost for His Highest said, "When you are in the dark, listen, and God will give you a very precious message for someone else when you get into the light. Now He gives you the gift of humiliation which brings the softness of heart that will always listen to God now."

Dear, sweet, sister that may be reading this blog and walking in the darkness; "BE STILL AND KNOW THAT HE IS GOD". Hold on! God is with you and will not leave you because He is faithful. He is your friend and He cares for you. Priscilla Shirer said, "...the travel is not always easy when you're headed in the direction of abundant living...but the prize of abundant living will make it worth the trip". Get ready to proclaim what He is whispering to you from the housetops!