Renew Me

How many of you would love a makeover? A renovation? A total rehab? Would you like to be different from your past? If so, you may find this very encouraging.

This morning I read Romans 12:2, "And be not conformed to this world; but be ye transformed by the renewing of  your mind, that ye may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." (KJV)". This is a well known verse to many people and God has certainly made it a very important part of my life and ministry over the past two years. However, this morning the word "renewing" captured my attention as never before.

The literal translation, in the Greek, for the word renewing, is aakaivwois (an-ak-ah' ee-no-sis). This means to renew qualitatively. Therefore, a renewing or a renovation which makes a person different than in the past. (p. 2096, Strong's #342, The Hebrew-Greek Key Word Study Bible, New American Standard Bible Revised Edition, 1984, 1990, 2008 by AMG International Inc.). So, Romans 12:2 could read, "And be not conformed to this world; but be ye transformed by the renewing (renovation) of your mind (which makes you different than the past). I don't know about anyone else, but that makes me want dance and sing! God's Word tells me that my mind can be constantly different from my past. The crazy way I thought in my  in my immaturity in Christ, those things that made me make some pretty stupid decisions or react like a crazy person (even though I was saved), can change.

Another observation I made was that the word renew is a verb. Therefore, renewing, shows that the action of renew is ongoing. Our minds are not renewed, as in a one time act, but are continuously being made different than before. We don't have to be stuck.

The next thing that got my attention was, the word "renovation" that appeared in the definition for the Greek word for renewing. Wikipedia defines renovation as, "the process of improving a broken or damaged structure." The things we take in or experience in this world (social media, television, magazines, music, pornography, abuse, divorce, trauma, etc.) damage or break our minds to be very different from how God created them. 

I know the structure of my mind sustained damage, from the experiences of a painful past, the stress of ministry and major life changes, until it finally broke on December 1, 2012. That brokenness came in the form of panic and anxiety disorder, accompanied by depression. For two years I walked out my illness, as a pastor's wife, on display for our entire congregation and as the Executive Director of a large nonprofit, in front of my staff and volunteers. I needed a renovation, an extreme makeover of the mind. I needed thinking to be made new, to be brought back to life. 

If you have ever been involved in the major renovation of a home or building, you know there is a process. I found the process of the physical restoration of a building is similar to the process for the renovation or renewing of our minds. 

The Renovation Process

1. Planning
2. Engineering
3. Structural Repair
4. Rebuilding
5. Finishes

The plan is salvation. God engineered the solution to our sin problem by sending His only Son, Jesus, to die on a cross for our sin debt. We are moved from lost to found; from an eternity in hell to peace with God and eternity in heaven. This happens when we "believe in our heart and confess with our mouth that Jesus is Lord".

Salvation, through Jesus Christ, is the first step in the renovation of our minds and lives. As the great Engineer, God identified our problem and understands the constraints on our design. He is constantly "working everything for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose". Through salvation we are repaired, rebuilt and God continues to put the finishes on us until the day of redemption, when the renovation will be complete. Hallelujah!

Be encouraged, the renewing of your mind each day brings transformation that will be complete upon the day of redemption. Don't give up but trust the Engineer's plan. The renovation may take longer than you wanted and may cost more than you thought you would want to pay but it will be worth it all, when you see Jesus.

Father, Are You There? Do You See Me?

Over that past two years, I have found myself asking God, "Are you there? Do you see me? Can you hear me?". Even as a preacher's wife, I have faced the deep valley of anxiety and panic disorder and the strong hold of fear and doubt and insecurity. In these struggles there are some things I am learning.

The first is that the mind is definitely your battle field. The battle usually starts when the demands of life and ministry pull you away from sleep, proper nutrition, and time alone with God and His Word, as well as time for extended prayer. You can so easily fall into the trap of the busyness and business of ministry that you can become mentally exhausted and spiritually empty.

However, in your exhaustion, though you may not feel like it, you can rest assured that your heavenly Father is watching and sees you. He sees all of your struggles and He cares. I know as a preacher's wife, often times you not only face the demands of ministry but the needs of children, grandchildren, parents and our homes. We also face the unexpressed and often unmet expectations of our family and congregation.

Preacher's wives may also experience feeling invisible. They can feel lost in the shadow of their husband's ministry, as they try to find their own place in it. They wonder if anyone really sees them or if they really belong. The great news is, someone does see you. He knows your gifts and He will not leave you incomplete. He understands all that you need and feel.

Spending more time with your heavenly father, asking Him to lavish His love on you, will help you to have more love to lavish on your husbands, children, grandchildren, parents, congregation and friends. You must be filled up, in order to pour out.

What a great call and privilege you have been given. Not only are you a daughter of the King but the wife of a preacher.  What a great opportunity God has given you to share the gospel alongside your partner and friend and minister to the needs of others!

Spend some time today with your heavenly Father being lavished with His love. He sees you, He hears you and He loves you incomprehensibly.

"From heaven the Lord looks down and sees all mankind; from His dwelling place He watches all who live on earth-He who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do."- 

Psalm 33:13-15

"I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you." 

Gen. 28:15 NIV

"I will be a Father to you and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty." - 2 Corinthians 6:18 & 2 Samuel 7:14

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God!" - 1 John 3:1

Because He Lives

As a preacher's wife, I have had the difficult duty of attending many funeral services. Some may think that it gets easier after an average of once a month for over 10 years. However, yesterday, I accompanied my husband to a funeral and as we stood in the cold, misting rain, huddled under an awning of the funeral home, listening to the loud blasts of a 21 gun salute and taps being played in the distance; I was reminded that is does not.

This funeral was particularly difficult. Maybe because it was for a man that had no apparent health issues and was only 47 years old (only four years younger than my husband). Maybe it was because it was sudden (Thanksgiving he experienced a seemingly mild cold symptom, went to the doctor, and was diagnosed with cancer. On New Year's Eve morning, he drew his final breath on this earth). Maybe it was because he and his wife have three young adult children and had just become grandparents within the past couple of years (very similar to my husband and myself). I am not quite sure. It may be because his wife is close to my age and now faces a future without her husband, long before she anticipated she might have to. Whatever the reason, as I stood their, God prompted me to share my experience with all of you.


When we arrived at the funeral home and approached his sweet wife, she still had the look of shock and disbelief on her face. It was as if she could not believe the words coming out of her own mouth, speaking of facing the coming days without her husband. She was smiling through her tears and leaning solely on her faith in our Lord, to stand. I just wanted to hold her hands and not let go. I had no words that seemed appropriate for her pain. I simply told her I had no idea what she was going through but I would be praying for her and her family and she could call me anytime she needed someone to just listen.

Something that I will never grow accustomed to, is the sound a wife makes, during her husband's funeral. It is usually a soft, moaning, cry. A sound, as if the pain she is experiencing is so deep, she can't possibly release all of it at once. It is absolutely heartbreaking. I heard that sound yesterday as we stood outside the funeral home. It barely rose above the sound of the rain and over our heads. Such a soft cry but so distinct.

As a preacher's wife, I am so often reminded of how quickly life can change. How absolutely uncertain life is. Satan often times tries to use this to generate fear within me. Sometimes he brings up the "what ifs". As I am sure he will try to do with this sweet widow over the coming days. However, Satan is a liar and has no power over death and the grave. Jesus defeated death, hell and the grave on the cross at Calvary. I Corinthians 15:54-57 refers to Hosea 13:14, to remind all of us of the victory that we have in Jesus, as our Savior. There is a sweet old hymn that says "this child can face uncertain days because He lives! Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Because He lives, all fear is gone. Because I know, I know He holds the future. My life is worth the living, just because He lives!"

I pray comfort for those, like this wife and family, that have experienced the recent loss of a loved one. I pray they will be able to walk in the victory of our Lord and Savior, Jesus, in the coming year. I also want to offer encouragement to the preacher's and their wives that walk through these times of grief with these families, in their congregations and community. Remember that we are not spiritual robots. We are humans, created in the likeness of Christ. Therefore, we are deeply compassionate people that feel the pain of those around us. It is alright to grieve for and with those that we minister to. There is the danger of growing complacent, to avoid pain or to make sure we are "strong" for the ones we are called to minister to. However, remember, it is not our strength but that of the Lord's that allows us to minister comfort to others in their grief. It is important that we stay strong in the Lord and encourage one another, in order to stay encouraged for others.

I praise God that we serve a risen Savior and "Because He Lives", we can face all the challenges of ministry and receive the great blessings that come as well.

I Am Ruined

Then I said, "Woe is me for I am ruined!" ... "For my eyes have seen the "King, the Lord of hosts." 

Yesterday the Lord led me, in His Word, to Isaiah, chapter six. Isaiah is given a vision and he sees, "the Lord sitting on a throne, lofty and exalted, with the train of his robe filling the temple". In other words, he sees the full glory of God, right before his eyes and he is in awe. He is undone. He is ruined! He is made aware of his own sinful condition and cleansed by God. He is made ready to answer the call of the Lord. God says, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?" and Isaiah quickly responds, "Here am I. Send me".

Upon reading this, I wrote in my journal, to the Lord, "I want to focus on You." I asked Him, "Help me look for the reminders of Your Majesty, all the time." So, you want to know what He did? He showed me reminders of His Majesty all day long. I saw His Majesty in the faces of my children and grandchildren, the generosity of others, the love and encouragement of my church family, the love of my parents, the kindness of strangers, the love of a mother, the leading of my husband and the beauty of His creation.

It began at work, where I am privileged to serve as the Executive Director of a resident, discipleship program for women and emergency shelter for women and children. For over two years our prayer has been to acquire a multi-housing unit, to allow us to offer transitional housing, for our discipleship program graduates or shelter residents, with children. Yesterday, we were given permission to begin the process of receiving the donation of a brick duplex, two miles from our resident center!

However, God did not stop there with the reminders of His Majesty. All day long, as I encountered my children and grandchildren; as I arrived at church and was greeted with the love and encouragement of so many of our church family; watching a newly converted mother, dedicate her precious baby girl, to be raised in the admonition of the Lord; all reminders of His Majesty.However, you know God did not stop there.

I arrived home, after church, to the second, anonymous card of encouragement in two weeks. It was filled with sweet words of encouragement and the reassurance that someone is praying for me. It also included a gift card for $10 to Starbucks. I was blown away by the Majesty and love of my King Jesus. But you know, He did not stop there. 

I opened up the next piece of mail and it was a bill from the emergency hospital visit I encountered 10 days ago. I had been concerned about the bill. I was expecting it to be close to $10,000 dollars and I knew it would require great sacrifice to get it paid off in a timely manner. I did not look forward to putting that financial burden on my family. However, I trusted the Lord would provide the means to pay it. When I opened the bill, I saw: Total Charges...$6,061.80. Then I saw: Account Adjustments...$5,561.80. Then I saw: Remaining Balance...$500!!! What? I could barely take in what I was reading. There it was again, a reminder of God's majesty! My husband, immediately took my hands in his and we offered a prayer of thanksgiving and praise to our Lord. Yet another reminder of His Majesty, the love and leading of my husband.

Today, I am "ruined".  I stand in awe, "for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts". I am humbled and thankful and ready to respond. In the words of Isaiah, "Here I am. Lord, send me."

 

 

Clothed In Righteousness

Clothed In Righteousness

This week has been very challenging and rewarding. It is never easy when we are still before the Lord and ask Him to examine our heart. To search deep and do Holy Ghost surgery to remove the deep rooted icky spots. It requires intense prayer and being submerged in the Word. Often, it is upsetting to see what comes out and we think Jesus is surprised at the ugly revealed in our hearts. However, he is not surprised nor is he disgusted.

When I got up this morning and grabbed my Jesus Calling Devotional, my sweet Jesus reminded me that, "When He disciplines me, it is never in anger or disgust; it is to prepare me for face-to-Face fellowship with Him throughout all eternity. He died for my sins, so I could be clothed in His garments of salvation."

"I will rejoice greatly in the Lord My soul will exult in my God;

 For He has clothed me with garments of salvation. 

He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness, ...:"

Isaiah 61:10

What a great God we serve. Anger, disappointment, doubt and fear are transformed into forgiveness, love, contentment, security and trust; in the presence of our loving God.

Thanks for sharing this week with me. I pray that it has been as much of a blessing to some of you to read as it has been for me to share.

Broken Bread and Spilled Out Wine

Broken and spilled out - Just for the love of you, Jesus
My most precious treasure - Lavished on thee
Broken and spilled out - And poured at your feet
In sweet abandon - Let me be spilled out - And used up for Thee

(Lyrics by Bill and Gloria Gaither)

Over the past three months of my life, Jesus has allowed me to come to the end of myself. I have suffered great emotional, physical, and spiritual pain; due to my own unwillingness to heed the prompting to sit at His feet. I had become so busy as a Pastor's wife, mom, grandmother, daughter, friend, mentor, Sunday School Teacher, Women's Ministry Leader, and Executive Director of a shelter ministry for women and children in crisis; I barely had time for a 10 minute devotion every day. I thought none of the people I loved or the areas of my service could do without me. Well, God reminded me, quickly that they can.

You see, Jesus told His Disciples, in Luke 22:19-20, that His body would be broken and His blood poured out for them in the new covenant. Then, in 2 Corinthians 5:14(b)-15(a), Paul tells the church of Corinth that, "Christ died for all, therefore all died; and He died for all, that they who live should no longer live for themselves". Therefore, we are to be willing to be broken and poured out. Our lives are no longer our own. We are to be motivated by the love of Christ and His death to give of our time, our talents, our resources, to sacrifice, to be uncomfortable. However, it is today that I recognized the importance of being careful of the source that I am pouring out of. I must make sure it is Jesus and not me.

Unfortunately, we can become reliant on our own natural abilities and energy, that will allow us to continue in service for a while, but then they run out.  Christ is the Wellspring of Living Water that never runs dry, we are not. We must drink, each day, from His Living Water; through prayer and the Word. Not just a blanket prayer and a short morning or nightly devotion but deeply abiding in prayer and the Word. That means we may have to give up our favorite television show or time reading our favorite book (even Christian books do not take the place of the Word of God). It may mean we get up earlier or go to bed later. Whatever, it takes.


We must be willing to abandon our wants, our desires, our possessions our time in order to share the gospel and disciple others. In that sacrifice, we must include many hours to dwell in the Word and pray. This renews our mind and refreshes our Spirit. We tread in dangerous areas when we get empty and we are pouring out of ourselves. We will become drained.

I want to be broken and spilled out for Jesus, not broken and burned out. When I am "used up", I want it to be for the glory of the Lord; not that I was too stubborn to "give up" my desires and to sit at His feet. I thank the Lord for this time He has given me this week. He continues to renew and refresh me each hour of each day. It is not an easy journey. I am a stubborn child and at times, it takes a great deal of heat to burn away the "me" to allow more of "Him". If you are reading this, my prayer is that God would use my journey to minister to your heart. Maybe you are feeling weary in your body, mind, or service to the Lord. If so, check the source. Isaiah 40:28 reminds us, "The everlasting God ... faints not, nor is weary." Don't give up, just go to the Source.

Forgiveness

Yesterday was a beautiful day in Hilton Head, South Carolina. Blue skies, mild temperatures, a gentle breeze, and bright sunshine. I had the privilege to sit for two hours, in the sun, and read the Word. What a beautiful time of worship I had there, on the beach, just me and Jesus. 

When I returned to my room, I was drawn to a book I brought with me called, Returning to Holiness (A Personal and Churchwide Journey to Revival) by Dr. Gregory R. Frizzell. I brought it with me because the Lord had been prompting me to read it for the past four years. So, I picked it up and began to read the first section called, "Preparing for Your Journey". The first verse I read was Isaiah 59:1-2, "Behold the Lord's hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; neither His ear heavy that it cannot hear: But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid His face from you, that He will not hear." The next scripture was Psalm 66:18, "If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me." 

In my last post I mentioned the struggles I have had in the darkness of panic and anxiety. I have felt so alone, as if God could not here me. I had not felt like that since I had given my life to Christ over 12 years ago. It had become unbearable. When I read this scripture, the Holy Spirit began to speak to me very clearly. God is serious about sin in the lives of His children. Our prayers, praise and service are worthless, if we are harboring anger, bitterness, envy, jealousy, etc.; in our heart. We must seek forgiveness and walk in love and forgiveness.

As I kept reading, the next scripture I came to was I John 1:9, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." I was reminded of how loving Jesus is and that He went to Calvary so I could live a life of righteousness. However, as the book pointed out, in order to confess our sins, we must allow God to search our heart and show us our sin. OUCH! Psalm 139:23-24, "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Just then, I wanted to put the book down because I realized, the Holy Ghost was getting ready to cut, with the exactness of His Sword (the Word of God) right down to the deep poisonous places of my heart. The places where I had buried so much anger, that it had turned to bitterness. He was going to cut straight way to the place of jealousy and envy, caused by a strong hold of doubt and insecurity. In doing so, He would show me over the next six hours, how distant from Him I had become. He would reveal to me, the ugliness that I did not want to admit. Even that would not be the most painful part of the beginning of this journey. I began to realize, for the first time, the pain that my sin had caused others. God was calling me to not only allow Him to reveal the true condition of my heart, in order to confess to Him and be healed, but He wanted me to be reconciled to the ones I had harbored anger against (Matthew 5:23-24).

Now this long conversation with God, through His Word and prayer, had started at 3 p.m. and by around 8:30 p.m. God had laid a Sister in Christ on my heart and I had written down what he had shown me I needed to say to her. I contacted her through a social media message and asked her to call me. I can only imagine what must have crossed her mind, based on some of our previous encounters, as she decided to oblige my request. When she called, God gave me the ability and courage to read her the very honest things that He had given me to say. She was very gracious and received all that I had to tell her, with great mercy. She was very kind, compassionate and encouraging. What Satan had intended for evil, God will now use for good and His glory.

God has shown me that this road to restoration and healing will not end with this one phone call. There are others I have hurt and because everyone involved are Christians, the Lord wants me to seek reconciliation. It breaks the heart of Jesus when the Body is broken and in disunity. Forgiveness from God, to others and ourselves will lift up our Lord and draw others to Him. Everyone I reach out to may not be as receptive as the first, however, I must follow the Lord. If He is for me, then who can be against me.

As a Pastor's wife, I am willing to be transparent, in the hope that those watching and listening may be encouraged. Sometimes, we are made to believe that we must hide our struggles from others because it may damage the ministry. However, the dear sisters we serve, that look to us for discipleship, must know the realities of our faith walk with Jesus. They must know that we will encounter valleys, just as they do. However, it is enduring those times and giving God glory in the midst of it all, that will teach them how to endure, as well.

God bless.